


SNL Series

by torino10154



Series: Adventdrabbles 2010 [16]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Biting, Coming In Pants, Drabble, Het, Humor, Multi, Oral Sex, Slash, Strap-Ons, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-16
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:51:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torino10154/pseuds/torino10154
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This, and the chapters that follow it, are based on SNL sketches. This one is for Dick-in-a-Box.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. The Gift That Keeps On Giving

**Author's Note:**

> This, and the chapters that follow it, are based on SNL sketches. This one is for Dick-in-a-Box.

Al knew exactly what he wanted to give Scorpius for Christmas. He just couldn't figure out _how_ to do it.

A trip to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, and a portion of the Galleons his Uncle George would take in later on products sold, and he was ready. 

Scorpius would love it. He certainly had loved _it_ in the past. 

Apparating to Scorpius's flat, he waited impatiently to be let in.

"Go on, open it," he said. "I can't wait to see your reaction."

Scorpius opened the box, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and he fainted. 

"It'll grow back!"


	2. Motherlover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on SNL's Motherlover skit.

"How's your mum doing?" Al asked his boyfriend, both of them leaning heavily against the bar. 

"She seems a bit lonely." Scorpius sighed. "What about yours? It has to be difficult for her as well since we're together and your father ran off with mine."

Al nodded. "Mum's trying to stay busy. She's supervising World Cup tryouts for the National Team."

Scorpius snorted.

"What?" Al asked. 

"I think she's got her eyes on those young blokes in their Quidditch leathers." 

Al nearly choked on his drink. "My mum? I've seen the way yours acts at those charity balls, dancing with anyone, especially if they are fresh out of Hogwarts."

"Sometimes I'm amazed my parents stayed married as long as they did, what with my dad clearly bisexual and Mum's wandering eye."

"Mine, too." Al called the bartender over. "Two more Firewhiskies, please." He turned back toward Scorpius. "I'd really love to do something to make Mum happy, show her that she'll be all right without Dad."

Scorpius looked at him shrewdly. "What are you thinking?"

Al looked away and took a sip of his drink. "Nothing really."

"Nonsense. I know that face. You have a plan. It's a devious one, too." Scorpius nudged his shoulder. "Tell me."

"Do you remember when you told me you thought Mum was hot?" Al said and Scorpius's face blushed scarlet.

"I was _drunk_." 

"Yeah, so was I but I said _your_ mum was totally fuckable." Al's face was flaming as well but it was true. Astoria Malfoy had been every boy's wet dream fifth year.

"You actually want to have sex with my mother?" Scorpius's mouth was hanging open. "You do realize you and I are fucking, Dad and your dad are fucking—" 

Al held up a hand. "You're like a brother to me, my best friend as well as my boyfriend. I know it's not _conventional_ but I'd do anything to make you and your mum happy."

Scorpius smirked. "Including fuck her."

"Mum's lonely as well…." Al trailed off and watched Scorpius's eyes go glassy. "I knew it. You do want her."

"I'd have to be dead not to think she's hot," Scorpius replied. "This is crazy. How are we going to convince them?"

"Don't trust your powers of seduction?" Al drained his glass and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. 

"I don't believe our mothers are depraved enough to go for it."

~*~

"So, how'd it go?" Scorpius asked the following afternoon when he met Al at their usual spot at the bar.

"Good, good," Al replied, pulling his collar up around his neck.

"Hey." Scorpius reached over and pulled the fabric back. "She _bit_ you?"

"Just a little." Al didn't seem to want to talk about it and Scorpius couldn't blame him. Al covered the marks back up and asked, "And you? Was it everything you thought it would be?"

"More." His arse was still sore from the strap-on Ginny Weasley had used. It was much bigger than Al's cock, not that he'd ever tell him that. He wondered what that meant about Al's dad but decided he did not want to know if _his_ dad was taking something that big up the arse regularly. "Much more."

"I need a drink," Al said suddenly. "Then we're going back to yours because I need to suck cock." 

Scorpius burst out laughing. "Me too, Al. Me too."


	3. Jizz in My Pants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on the SNL skit "Jizz In My Pants".

Harry approached Cho. "Want to go to the Ball with me?"

"You did a lot better this time." Her eyes sparkled. 

Harry's cock, already rock hard as soon as he'd caught sight of her, throbbed. "Is that a yes?"

Cho giggled and leaned in close, the scent of jasmine in her shiny black hair…

…and, like a freight train, Harry came in his pants.

"Harry?" 

He opened his eyes, panting harshly. Cho was looking at him, face screwed up with something like revulsion.

"Actually, I have another date." She backed away slowly and muttered, "Or I will soon anyway."

_Damn._

~*~

"Hey, Lavender," Ron said. She was sitting in the library studying and Ron's cock sought her out like a divining rod.

"Ron," she replied coyly, his eyes drifting down to look at her cleavage. She had the most magnificent pair of tits. 

"Meet me on the Astronomy Tower tonight?"

He imagined burying his face in them, sliding his cock between them, a pretty pearl necklace around her neck….

"Fuck," Ron breathed out, come pulsing in his pants. He watched Lavender's face change from dreamy to shocked, her hand coming up over her mouth in horror.

"I have detention," she replied.

~*~

Katie looked gorgeous astride a broom, hair flying behind her.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his cock spurting helplessly in his Quidditch leathers. 

God, he hated cleaning that mess.

~*~

Pansy Parkinson walked by Ron, her expensive French perfume going straight from his nose to his cock and then directly into his pants in the form of hot, sticky come.

~*~

Professor McGonagall paced in front of her class.

"Today we will be Transfiguring soft, fleshy Flobberworms to firm, hard wood."

Two identical groans were emitted as Harry and Ron, both unable to stop themselves, jizzed, most spectacularly, in their pants.


	4. The Golden Rule

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the SNL skit, "The Golden Rule".

Harry raised his hand to knock at Luna's door when he heard footsteps behind him. 

"What are _you_ doing here?" Draco asked as he stood right next to Harry in front of Luna's door.

"I might ask you the same question." Harry noticed Draco was carrying a bottle of red wine. Harry had a bottle of white.

The door opened while the two of them stood staring at each other.

"Oh, good," Luna said. "You're both here."

"You invited both of us?" Harry asked, baffled. Luna had invited him to come by when they'd run into each other at _The Leaky Cauldron_ a few days before. There had been some flirtation between them and he certainly hoped the evening wouldn't come to an end until the following morning.

"Obviously," Draco said snidely as he walked into Luna's flat. Luna smiled at Harry encouragingly so he followed Draco inside.

Draco had taken off his cloak and was sitting in the corner of the sofa, watching both Harry and Luna. Harry hung up his cloak next to Draco's and she sat down next to him and patted the seat to her other side.

"Make yourself comfortable, Harry." He set the bottle of wine down on the table and cast a cooling charm on it. He wanted it to stay chilled in case they decided to drink it this evening. 

When he sat down, Luna immediately leaned toward him, her hand on his thigh. She gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't worry," she said softly. "I wouldn't have invited you if I didn't think you'd enjoy yourself." Harry looked into her big, beautiful eyes and could see the honesty and truth in her words.

"All right, Luna." He turned toward her and saw that she had her other hand on Draco's thigh. "What did you have in mind?"

"I find you both so very attractive and I thought why not have you both at once instead of one at a time? Maybe you'll even get to know each other better by the end of the night. You do have so much in common." 

Harry had trouble imaging that was the case but sometimes Luna seemed to know things about people that weren't apparent to others.

Draco had moved closer to her, his hand pushing her hair out of the way as he began pressing kisses to her neck. "Fine with me," he said, then sucked her earlobe into his mouth but his eyes were looking right at Harry. 

A challenge? Or was it more? 

"Isn't this a bit.…" Harry waved his hand fruitlessly, unable to find the word to describe what he was thinking.

"A bit what, Potter?" Luna had tipped her head back to Draco's shoulder, his hand running up and down her side now. She was still stroking Harry's thigh and he was definitely reacting to both her attention and seeing her respond to Draco.

"A bit _gay_." He winced. "Not that I have a problem with gay people," he added and immediately realised how much worse that made it sound. God, he was an idiot.

Luna only laughed softly. "Harry, in a threesome, it's OK. It's not gay to be in bed with a man as long as there is a woman there too." Her hand was now over his groin, kneading his cock through his trousers. He groaned at the sensation. 

Draco was still lavishing attention on her neck and shoulder but now his hand was gently squeezing her breast, fingertips playing over her nipple through the fabric. Harry could see the other was tight and pointed and he wanted to suck it into his mouth, bury his face between her tits. 

"It's the golden rule, Potter." He let go of Luna and stood. Harry could see Draco was hard by the bulge in his trousers and swallowed convulsively. Since when did he think someone else's cock was interesting at all, let alone arousing? 

"Shall we go to the bedroom?" Draco asked and kissed the back of Luna's hand.

Harry stood and took Luna's other hand to help her up from the sofa. "It's down the corridor to the left. I Transfigured the bed earlier to make sure there was room for all three of us. I also reinforced the posts just in case." Draco's eyes widened fractionally. Perhaps he didn't know Luna as well as Harry did but she was definitely adventurous and creative and it didn't surprise him she'd be that way in the bedroom as well.

She let go of their hands and led the way. Draco grabbed the bottle of wine Harry had brought. Harry Summoned three wine glasses then followed them both, shutting the door behind him.

~*~

Luna got up in the middle of the night to use the loo and have a bite to eat. Sex always made her so hungry, especially when she found herself between two attentive lovers. Boys could be so very competitive, which had only enhanced the experience.

When she made her way back to the bedroom, she heard the squeaking of the mattress and saw the bedclothes shifting rhythmically. 

_Perhaps they are a bit gay after all_ , Luna thought to herself as she pulled the door closed and walked across the corridor to her guest room. She'd let them work out that out for themselves.


End file.
